How to Pause and Reflect Beyond the Daily Overwhelm of Motherhood
We’re approaching the end of the year, and as a mum you’re probably wrapped up in preparing the festivities and creating magical moments for your little ones. Or maybe you’re not even there yet because your head is underwater at work with everything you need to finish before going on leave…
And if I asked you about your plans for the new year? Would your answer be a big sigh followed by, “I can’t think that far, let me just survive today”?
In the chaos of motherhood, it’s incredibly hard to pause and look at the bigger picture. Life can feel like patching holes in a sinking boat.
As we approach 2026, my invitation is to create the habit of small pauses for reflection, like regular check-ups with yourself to think further ahead and nurture feelings of calm and confidence. Or, continuing with the sinking boat metaphor, these pauses help you not only keep the boat afloat but also guide it toward its destination.
When motherhood keeps you stuck in survival mode
Between the constant pull of work and the never-ending responsibilities at home, it can be really difficult to find a moment to reflect on where you are and where you wanna go. Your dreams and aspirations as a mother, a partner, and a woman can slowly disappear when surviving the day becomes the priority.
The demands that modern society places on mothers are so huge that it’s not surprising that approximately 20% of mums experience parental burnout (Séjourné et al., 2018), a state characterised by chronic exhaustion, emotional depletion, and a loss of identity. And maybe you’re not in full burnout yourself, but you can still feel the pressure of the daily juggle weighing on your shoulders, to the point where your life is just one giant to-do list and you can’t see beyond it.
Operating in “putting out fires” mode all the time inevitably impacts your health. When you’re stuck in survival mode, you’re likely to experience physical fatigue and stress-related symptoms such as headaches or gut issues. It can also make you more irritable and you’ll find yourself snapping at your partner out of the blue. You might become prone to self-criticism and rumination, which drains even more of your energy. And it creates a downward spiral: low confidence can push you to accept everything out of fear of rejection which leaves no space for your own needs (so you’re feeling even more depleted).
This is why breaking out of survival mode is essential. When it feels like you don’t have any time for self-reflection and all you can do is put one foot in front of the other, that’s actually when pausing matters most.
When you’re buried in everyday life, you lose sight of what’s important and you might let small, insignificant things drain your time and energy. It’s crucial to build the habit of pausing regularly, reconnecting with your values, and asking yourself whether you’re truly prioritising what matters to you.
What you realise when you pause
When you’re caught up in the everyday rush, you’re often stuck in fight-or-flight mode. This means the rational part of your brain is less engaged and you become more reactive (University of Wollongong, 2025). You’re more inclined to act on your emotions instead of focusing on what would genuinely help. Stress also leads to distorted thinking, you might dwell on the negative or see things in black-and-white, with very little room for flexibility and compromises.
Taking a step back and creating quiet moments to take stock will allow you to make more intentional choices. Research has shown that the unreasonable pressures society places on mothers may contribute to parental burnout (Collins-Belcher, 2024). Mothers who strive for perfection based on these external standards are more prone to burnout, while those who follow their own beliefs feel less stressed.
Moments of reflection are essential for checking whether some of your expectations might actually be external, and whether you can let them go. When you give yourself enough space to think clearly, you may realise you’ve been pouring energy into things that aren’t truly important.
For example, a few months ago I overheard another mum at a kid’s birthday party saying, “Of course it’s a homemade cake! She’s a good mum.” My instinctive thought was, “I’m buying a frozen cake from the supermarket for my kid’s birthday… does that make me a bad mum?” But when I paused and reflected, I remembered that I don’t need to bake a cake to prove my worth as a mum. My child loves that frozen cake (it has chocolate froggies inside, so yummy!), so why waste my energy baking just to meet someone else’s standards?
But when you’re in reactive mode, you’re vulnerable to these external expectations, and you might end up putting a lot of effort into things that don’t matter to you or your family.
We’re mid-December and at this time of year, the expectations around family gatherings and honouring holiday traditions can feel incredibly heavy. This is why intentionally stepping back and asking yourself whether you’re keeping a tradition because it genuinely brings you joy — or simply out of obligation — is essential for protecting your sanity during the festive season (for more on this topic, check out my previous blog). Give yourself permission to let go of traditions that feel more like a burden than a delight.
How to create moments of reflection
Reflection can happen at different levels.
This time of year naturally invites us to look back on the past 12 months and set intentions for the year ahead. It’s an exercise that can take anywhere from half an hour to a few days, a chance to think deeply about your dreams, aspirations, and the path you want to take.
Of course, you don’t need to wait for the new year to do this kind of reflection. Asking yourself what you want in life and whether you’re on the right track is always beneficial.
There’s also the more everyday kind of reflection, simple check-ins that you can weave into your routine: a moment of gratitude, reviewing your priorities, or making sure your decisions align with what matters. This might only require a few minutes each day, a brief pause to readjust your compass.
Whatever the level of reflection, my encouragement is always to come back to your values. What is most important to you in this season of life? And how can you honour it?
When it comes to mapping out your dreams for the year, set an appointment with yourself. Dedicate some protected time to this reflection. If needed, ask your partner to take care of the kids while you do this!
When you assess your progress, do it with kindness (for more on a gentle yearly review, you can check my 2024 blog). Then write down your big dreams for the year and the steps you want to take to move towards them.
If you can, I encourage you to sit down with a friend to share your vision for the year so you can hold each other accountable. Having someone who’s going to check in on your progress can be an extra source of motivation when you’re trying to implement new habits or set milestones for yourself.
Speaking of new habits, it might be helpful to introduce a reflective practice into your schedule: a monthly journaling session, a daily meditation, a gratitude ritual, a breathing exercise, a regular walk in nature, or even one minute to set your intentions at the beginning of each day… Anything that invites you to pause and think from a grounded place.
Finally, your reflective practice can be supported by regular sessions with a professional who offers a safe space for exploration such as a psychologist, psychotherapist, or coach. Having this external support comes with several advantages. Firstly, each session is a time entirely dedicated to you, and because it’s booked and paid for, you’re far less likely to postpone it (unlike other self-care routines). Working with a professional creates a structure that encourages regular reflection. Importantly, you benefit from an external perspective: someone who can mirror back your thoughts, help you make sense of what’s happening, and shift your mindset when you find yourself caught in a downward spiral.
Final thoughts
I know that even five minutes of silence can feel like a big ask given your schedule. But I hope I’ve convinced you that this time is never wasted.
By taking small, regular breaks, you step out of fight-or-flight mode and can reassess your to-do list from a grounded place. You can decide what to let go of, which boundaries needs to be set, and what is truly worth your time and effort.
I hope you enter 2026 with calm and purpose, ready to pursue whatever it is you aspire for this year.
Would you like support to step out of reactive mode and bring more peace and happiness into your everyday life?
References
Collins-Belcher, L. (2024). The Lived Experiences of Parental Burnout in Mothers (Doctoral dissertation, Amridge University)
Séjourné, N., Sanchez-Rodriguez, R., Leboullenger, A., & Callahan, S. (2018). Maternal burn-out: an exploratory study. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 36(3), 276–288. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2018.1437896
https://www.uow.edu.au/media/2024/stuck-in-fight-or-flight-mode.php University of Wollongong, 2025